I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
