i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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