Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
