You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
