So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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