Please, let me fuck your mom
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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