I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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