Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Mom said you looked used
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
