A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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