The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize