Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm too high and old for this...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
