Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
