the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
