So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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