Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
