I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
