She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
