My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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