U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
