Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
