found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Terrible idea I love it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
