Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's blow job season.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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