I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
