I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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