I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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