he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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