OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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