great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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