i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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