BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize