and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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