I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
