theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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