when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
