First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
