Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
