I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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