I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
