so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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