Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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