Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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