I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
