I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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