I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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