Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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