"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
