five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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