I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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