I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
