He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
