day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
