the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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