you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
