My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
