I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize