This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
