AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
