Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy shit dude........stairs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
