well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize