A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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