Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
