His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize