6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
