you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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