I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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