once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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