I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
