It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
