My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
