The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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