Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
